Um. I have a new journal. Because I can. Also because now that I'm a Spanish genius I realize that it would be correct to say nuevos comienzos for some unexplained reason and not comienzos nuevos.
I'm on the rag, which = traditional trip to closest drug store for a box of supers and some chocolate. So I've got two boxes of tampons in my hands and I'm looking for chocolate and a chubby man in his late 20s - early 30s comes down the aisle and is obviously trying to flirt with me, telling me which chocolate to choose. Let's just imagine this. Me - bloated, greasy hair, dirty sweaty clothes from work, dusty dry hands from shelving books, two huge boxes of super absorbency tampons in my arms trying to decide between peanut and peanut butter M&Ms. I'm not going to lie...I don't look good. This is not me at my finest and I'm okay with that. That is one desperate man...it's 11:00 on a Thursday night and you are trying to pick up the bloated bloody greasy girl in the CVS candy aisle? Ouch. It wasn't just like he was letting me know which kind was his favorite either, he was cracking jokes, getting close, making eye contact. Ugh.
All I can say is that at times like these I'm glad I already have a boyfriend. All locked in. You can't leave no matter how bloated and greasy I get because that's fucked up. You can't do that.
In other news, Travis stared at my tits all day today. I'll tell you, nothing makes you feel better than being horribly objectified by someone you thought was a close friend you could be comfortable with. I mean, do you think I can't see you? I can see you, asshole. Grow your own fucking tits.
Alright so. I haven't done laundry in a while...it's definitely time to do some. It's horrible enough having to schlep your dirty underwear all around the hall and wash in it where everyone and their brother washes theirs...but when the machines are offline and you've got to carry it outside and through another building for even more of the campus community to see just to find that some assholes left their shit in ever fucking single one of the goddamn washing machines! That is fucked up! Fucked up! See these are the things I won't miss.
You know what, I should shut up. I'm lucky to even have easy access to laundry facilities. Shut up, Jessica.
Here is some more bull though:
Activist Collective held a lunchtime sit out in support of all the sit outs happening on college campuses across the nation this week in protest of the war. I participated because it was supposed to be a discussion. I bring a bowl of fruit to sit out though I knew that some were choosing to fast and Jen looks back at me and says, "We're fasting." I say, "Okay, I won't eat." Sure I can save my fucking bowl of fruit until 1:00 when everyone leaves. Here's the issue. Shouldn't fasting be a personal choice? I don't understand how it contributes to the value of the protest or the discussion? I get fasting...I really do. My grandfather has always fasted religiously. I understand that it's about understanding suffering and sacrifice. But I am an empathetic and compassionate person. I can understand suffering without fasting. It's symbolic, I get that but I thought this was activist collective. I think a good way to show the world we care is by doing something. This has been my issue with activist collective since the beginning. They complain that they are they only ones doing anything but...I don't see it. We were talking about withdrawal and the President and Republicans and Democrats and so I said, "I think we should talk about what we can do to restore peace in Iraq" and I think my point was appreciated but promptly dismissed as everybody concluded there is nothing we can do. It's a cop out and I know it is. As jaded as Peace and Conflict Resolution has made me that class has taught me that there are some things that work! We should at least talk about something proactive, something positive. Fuck fasting, take better notes in class!
Also, how could you not love this man?
Doing his fan dance. Encouraging everyone. Founding my beloved university. Responding to our messages. Sending us chocolates and words of encouragement. You know how crazy heartwarming it is to receive a personal letter from the man who founded your university encouraging you to fight on?
"As president, I often speak of and praise those students who have been accepted to graduate school. I would like to take this opportunity to address those who are not accepted or who don’t plan to apply to graduate school. In particular, I would like to reassure such students that there is no need to be in a hurry. All by itself, your four-year education at SUA has great value and will give you the tools necessary for your potential to bloom. While some seniors may be feeling as if their lives are fully blossoming—full of hope and confidence as their four years at Soka draw to a close, others may feel as if not even a bud has sprouted in their lives and find it hard to believe in their own potential. Ultimately, we each have our own timing when our lives come into full bloom. I hope that each of you will always remember to take great pride in graduating from Soka University, which is founded by Daisaku Ikeda and many unnamed individuals around the world who believe in you. Please maintain confidence in your potential and remember that the goal of Soka education is for each of us to become a great human being who can contribute to society and the happiness of others."
my life is insane right now. i'm trying to figure why all these things are happening...might lose my position, asked to be district leader...adfksljdf owha gfoihr aeoigkdafjhgakkjf why?
it's good though knowing that things are changing and that at the end of all of this there will be some lesson and I will experience some growth it just sucks not being able to know what's going to happen. i'm sick of worrying about it...i just want something to happen!
How does it feel, Bruce? To sit in the dugout with Barry Bonds...that drug using tired old ball player. Everyone hates him except for the SF fans who have to love him. Well Bochy, you traitor...I'd say you got what you had coming. We kicked your butt! And we kicked it well...after your shameless display of your 298357 million dollar players. Bam! That feels good...
It has officially begun.... baseball season is upon us and the Padres lead the Giants 1-0.
I AM SO FUCKED! WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR MACRO? IS IT IN MY CONCENTRATION? NO. AM I GOING TO BE AN ECONOMIST? NO. AM I GOING TO WORK FOR THE FED? NO. WHY DID I NOT DROP THE COURSE WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?
Two seniors got into Stanford today. Others accepted at Harvard, Carnegie Mellon, London School of Economics, NYU, Berkeley, Cornell, etc. And I have a 3.4 (the student accepted to the London School of Economics has a 3.4). But I am just as intelligent/capable as those students and maybe Soka has a good reputation already cause damn...we fucking hot. I know that at big universities this might not be so cool, but we have less than 100 students per class and we have only existed for six years and been accredited for two. Something like 80% of Soka graduates go on to prestigious grad programs which is definitely higher than the national rate. So this is what I decided: I am going to ignore the money issue for now and apply everywhere I fucking want. We're talking Stanford and all that shit and also apply to state and then make my decisions later. I have approached the whole grad school thing in the wrong way for sure, limiting my options before I even know who will accept me and under what conditions. I mean, Brian just told me today that after my RA experience I'll be eligible for Res Life assitanceships (that's not really a word) and I can live on campus for free if need be and get a paycheck...so I don't know. I'm fucking going for it. Watch the fuck out, world.
I guess I've finally arrived at that place where everything counts...every assignment feels like a make it or break it...you know. Too much pressure. When you feel like one paper is the difference between a successful happy life and... I mean I know that it's not really the case, it just feels that feel that way. I was handling it so well but now I'm starting to buckle. When a six page paper causes so much stress that you feel like crying, you know it's time for a vacation. I love school. I love writing. I love studying. I love class. but there's too much pressure.
Laundry Presentation for RA selection individual interview Edit Review Paper Peace and Conflict Resoultion -N. Ireland Video -Listen to the 9283473 tracks of the lecture -Outline paper Econ -Chp. 4 -Chp. 3 Problems West Asian Studies -Reading -Find a book to write about Look over Shreyankas Position Paper for CANIMUN Spirit Rally -Money -Advertising -Elmo Costume SEE JARED!
But I'm soooooooooooo tired :( I want to do econ tonight but my head is tired from 8 hours of RA selection group interview/teambuilding/sharing and I just wanna snooze.
People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.
1. I’m a gluttonous bather…I take too many showers and they are definitely too long. 2. I love horrible reality TV. We’re talking like Wife Swap…the more ridiculous/shameful…the better. 3. I don’t want much more in my life than to be a mother. I think about it every day. 4. Jared and I have been together for almost 4 years but I still won’t admit to strangers when they ask that I do want to marry him because I feel like others will think I’m too young to know. 5. I pretend to hate Reggaeton but I secretly LOVE it. 6. I prefer to eat pizza with a glass of milk 7. I never got to on a ride along with my dad in his truck and I’m pretty bitter about it 8. My favorite thing to eat ever (even though it is sooooo fatty) is toasted sourdough English muffin with peanut butter and bacon. I know it sounds weird but it’s delicious and I think I’ve been eating it since I could chew. 9. I refuse to eat mushrooms because they are fungus. It’s not that I don’t know what they taste like or I think that they are gross…it’s just I’ve gone so long making a big deal about how gross they are that I have to save face and continue to boycott mushrooms 10. When I was a kid, I thought lesbo was a nickname for Leslie. I mean I guess that’s understandable, but all the other kids knew what it was and were using it appropriately before I even had a clue.
I'm not going to tag anyone because Vanessa is pretty much the only person on my friends list who I know would fill this out and she already has!
Anyways, we're already in the middle of our third week in the semester! Crazy! I don't feel like I was ever gone. It feels like Mexico never happened. I have moments when I really miss being there though. When I was there all I could think about was getting back to campus and now, I really want to go back. If only I had known to enjoy and savor it a little more. Oh well. You know what they about hindsight. I haven't chanted in a week and I haven't been to a meeting in a long time. I was invited to a chapters general women's division meeting, but I have to meet with Mai to finish our simulation for Peace and Conflict Resolution, then I have to shadow Vanessa for RA Selection, then I have a Spirit Department meeting. Also, Comedy Sportz is tonight :( So i have to miss it. I might have time for dinner though! I should go to lecture at five, but I need some more afternoon study/cleaning/Jessica time. I'm supposed to dress in a way that describes me and bring a song that describes me well for Saturdays 9-5 group interview for RA selection. I'm having a hard time with this. I also have to study a college "trend" and do a 10 minute presentation for my individual interview. The assignment seems silly since Soka is so different from almost every other college campus. Soka trends...boba runs, msn messenger, too many extracurriculars, surprise party performances? I don't know...binge drinking/drug use/promiscuous sexual activity...not really the norm on this campus. Our major issue is loud chanting. Haha. That must be weird for visitors. No wonder they think we're some sort of cult or buddhist monastery. Anyways.
Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn't slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!
So I got a new laptop cause I killed my other one and they wanted $950 to fix it. Anyways, my new computer has Vista and it's pretty cool looking. I'm digging it. Also, Jared "surprised" me yesterday and we went to Sea World and got annual passes. Then we had dinner and farted around. Such a nice day :) The semester starts tomorrow, but I'm not as stressed about it as I was because I dropped War and Memory. Also I got my job back at the library! Sweet!
This too. This is what I really miss. Pretty much every part of Mexico has a song written about it and this about Guanajuato and it is sung by no less than Jose Alfredo Jimenez.
Holy Shit, you guys! I miss hearing this song every afternoon when "Las Dos Caras de Ana" comes on. I love it!
Solo tú, solamente quiero que seas tú yo pongo en tus manos mi destino porque vivo para estar siempre, siempre contigo amor.
I miss Mexicoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It hurts.
Anyways, I just got the syllabus for my War and Memory class and the title has been changed to War and Memory in Pacific Asia, which sounds interesting, but it's too much work for a class that doesn't really fit with my focus, you know. I've studied Latin America and the class is like ridiculously heavy, so I might drop it. I was so lucky to get into it, though. There are 39874594837 people on the waiting list. But it's my fifth class...and I don't need five classes, soooooo... I don't know. It's just a lot of reading. I can handle reading, but if it's going to jeopardize my performance in the really important classes (classes I have background in and may be important for the future) then I shouldn't take it, right? I
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comienzosnuevos's journal
